It's been 5 whole days since I have spoke to my sister. It feels really weird! But I have been a good girl. I have not called or texted. I have emailed but I told her not to email me back. I have recieved one phone picture from her.
Beautiful isn't it! I'm sure they are having the time of there lives. It's weird not to worry about her anymore. Everyday I have to stop myself from wondering if she is ok. If she is sad. If she is depressed. I felt like her keeper for so long.....it's kind of hard to give up that role. I can't tell you how many times I had to choke down tears because of her sadness. It filled me up sometimes.
When she told me that she met Josh I was floating with happiness for her. When she told me she would be moving to New Mexico....I panicked. Like my heart raced and I had shortness of breath kind of panic. That wasn't in MY plans! How could she do this to ME! Didn't she need ME! What was I supposed to do without HER! Then I stopped thinking about me. And thought about her. My life is full. Hers was half empty. And Josh needed her more. Needed her more then I did. And I don't think I really saw that until the wedding. When they were ready to leave the house.....Josh was outside waiting and she was telling everyone goodbye. Then all of the sudden there is Josh on the other side of my screen door with his face all smashed up on it looking at her with puppy dog eyes. You should have seen it. It was really funny. But it finally sank in that he needed her and she needed him and I would just have to get on with it. And a tiny part inside of me was glad when I saw that she was crying on there way to the hotel. She still needs me. Just from a distance. I think I'm able to let go and hold on at the same time. And I'm starting to be ok with that.
No comments:
Post a Comment