I have horrible eating habits. Anyone who knows me well would say that I would rather have dessert then dinner. It's true. In fact last night I had ice cream for dinner. And I'm ashamed to say that I had it for breakfast too. I ate a banana too. That's cancels out the ice cream right? I am addicted to sugar. I must have something sweet after every meal. If I don't, I literally start to feel sick to my stomach. I think about what I'm going to eat for the next meal right after I'm done eating. It's disgusting.
I have this battle in my mind. I think to myself, I should have this (a salad) but I really want this (chicken nuggets and McDonald's chocolate chip cookies). If I eat McDonald's for lunch then I won't eat any supper. Because it's soooo healthy to skip meals! Of course I don't end up skipping supper because I'm starving so I end up eating something half way's healthy (because I do feed my family well) but then I totally bomb again with snacks afterward.
I think my lowest point was a couple of weeks ago. I was craving McDonald cookies. Have you ever had them? They are delish! Especially when sacked with something warm and then the chocolate chips get all melty. The best $1.07 I have ever spent. Where was I? Oh ya..so I went to McDonald's and had already paid when I get up to the pick up window and the gal says, "Sorry but we are out of chocolate chip would you like oatmeal?" I'm sorry but no. So then she offered me a hot fudge sundae. I suppose that would do. So I got one and drove away. Thinking, RATS! I really wanted those cookies. As I am slurping down my sundae I drive by another McDonald's. Alright I didn't exactly drive by one. I went out of my way. Just a little. Ok alot. I ordered the cookies at a different location.And not just one order. I ordered two. I ate the sundae and SIX cookies. I was totally disgusted with myself. I felt gross afterwards. Do I not have a single stitch of self control in my body?
As a result of my indulging I have high cholesterol and I have packed on some pounds. When my youngest was 6 months old I dropped down to 125. And slowly within the last eight years it's been creeping up. And up. I went to pull out my winter stuff the other day and low and behold! I barely fit in my jeans. I cannot afford to get new clothes. I just can't. And I don't want to squeeze myself in my clothes because muffin tops are just not attracted. So it comes down to this. I must start eating better. I have to. I would say it's not about the weight it's about being healthy but let's be honest here. It always comes down to weight. When you eat healthy, chances are you are going to drop pounds. I'm not asking to be the weight I was when I got married. I would have to lose 30 pounds! I'll never be that thin again and I don't really want to be. I just want to see that 2 as the middle number. It's not really asking to much. Even if it's 129.9. Just to see that two would make me feel like I accomplished something. Something good for my body and my family for being healthier and not a hypocrite. How can I tell my kids to eat well when I don't?
So here it goes. I'm going to show you my weight. You can call me brave or stupid. I call it motivation to change.
I realize this isn't a bad number! Well maybe some of you are cringing but I bet the majority of you think it's just fine. In fact I believe it's normal weight range for my height. Honestly if I stayed this weight for the rest of my life I would be ok with that. However if I keep eating like I am I won't stay this weight and I may end up shortening my life. And I just feel so crummy all the time. I have no energy. So this is it. I'm giving myself until December 1st to step on the scale and see that two in the middle. I'm not planning on loving salads at the end of this. Or having rock hard abs. That's never going to happen. But if I can just lay off on the sugar, eat more "good for me" foods and learn to be satisfied without dessert after every meal, I will feel pretty good. Hopefully as a bonus I will have more energy, get my cholesterol lowered and drop a few pounds. Am I ready for this? No, but I have to start. Today. Ok tomorrow. (:
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