What I See

By Amy





This picture is not bad. At first glance I thought it was ok. Not wall worthy or anything but ok. Then I started picking. You know what I mean don't you? You start picking at your flaws. The first thing I noticed was my color. That oh so pasty, clown-white, it's winter -in -the -Midwest color. Then I saw the deep crease under my eye. See it? That's the end of a puffy blue bag. Sounds attractive right? Just wait! It gets worse! Want to see what I see?

Here's a run down:

**crows feet

**zits

**age spots

**fuzzy, wiry hair

**double chin and just plain ole chub

**laugh lines (although these I don't mind so much. It means I'm happy. Right?)

**Blue bags under my eyes

So that's what I see. And it doesn't matter what anyone else says or how many times your husband says your beautiful....that's what I see. And it's really sad isn't it? Why do women do this to themselves? I know I'm not the only one. I know I'm not the only one who when looking at a picture, zero's in on herself and either gasps in horror or breathes a sigh of relief that it's ok. It doesn't matter if everyone else is looking horrific (even better!) as long as you pass your own critical eye, you can rest easy. If you haven't noticed already, but men don't really care how they look. They barely glance at themselves in pictures and they roll there eyes when you insist on taking 14 just to get one that is acceptable to you. I wish I had that. That oblivion of not caring about another wrinkle or zit.

Now don't get me wrong....I KNOW this is really petty. And in the whole picture of life....it REALLY DOES NOT MATTER. Health, love and happiness far out-weigh my thoughts in this little post. But this is just what I am thinking about tonight. And I know it's because on Sunday we are getting our family pictures professionally taken. It will be the first time in five years. And probably the last time for five more years. And all I keep thinking is what if I hate all of them? What if I have to spend a bunch of money on pictures that I cringe to look at? I would love for the first time in my life to look at the proofs and regard how everyone else looks first. My baby (who is 8) has this adorable dimple when he smiles. Not to mention that he is still toothless in the front. And my almost-14-year-old is in that awkward stage where he doesn't really know if it's better to smile with his mouth open or shut. Even though both smiles are adorable to me. And my honey. I love how his eyes crinkle up when he smiles. And those freckles. I would kiss every one of them if I could.

So if I love the way they look (which I always do) it should be good enough. It WILL be good enough. Because it's not all about me.